MOTHER’S HOMECOMING

Co-ordination across continents was difficult with Mum being in the US visiting Dipon & Durga Puja being just 2 months away so leaving things to fate we set out to book tickets for Calcutta.The days passed in anxious anticipation what with the US attacks so we were literally counting the days till she arrived as scheduled.At about the same time the Mother Goddess Durga was being welcomed into the homes & hearts of Bengalis all around the world.The festival is probably the biggest,most sustained & colourful of its kind anywhere & being held every year it is the one occasion that Bengalis plan their whole year’s itinerary around.

Durga Puja is a community puja like Ganpati festival in Mumbai.Preparations begin months in advance.In Calcutta the idols are brought from the villages where craftsmen have been lovingly sculpting & moulding the clay images.They are  then placed inside the Puja pandals which themselves are a big attraction in the big Pujas.Pandals are erected in various shapes , sizes colours & forms so much so that often they are difficult to distinguish from real buildings.There are lighting shows & tableaux to depict some current social or political issue.Local & distant artisans decorate the  pandals with just about anything-stone chips ,cereals , glass bangles, paper ,cloth pieces,etc.This year’s star attraction was a pandal made entirely out of clay pots of diiferent sizes-some had even carvings made in them.People queued for nearly 3 miles to see this spectacle! For Calcuttans life revolves around  going pandal-viewing,meeting near & dear ones &eating off the roads from stalls selling various sweetmeats &”namkeen”.There’s virtually no shopping at this time as people have already stocked new clothes , gifts etc. before the Pujas begin & the  shops have made a killing with their grand sales.So they happily take a sabbatical for the 10 days of Puja while people like us are left in the lurch .Public services like banks are also shut for 4-5 days!Life is literally in suspended animation & one does nothing but have all the fun to last the year.For an outsider [& also for the less intense Bengali babus]all this can be a little annoying and a close relative has called it the Durga circus!

In the suburbs & villages,things are done on a smaller scale & in a much more sober way that really captures the poignancy of the Puja.This is the time when Mother Durga returns to her own parents’ home  on her annual visit,accompanied by her 4 children-Lakshmi, Saraswati, Kartikeya & Ganesha.The first  day ,or rather the day of her arrival, is heralded by the chanting of ‘’Mahishasurmardini’’-the tale of how the demons were vere vanquished by Durga when they wreaked havoc on Earth.

On shashthi[6^th day]the idol is placed inside the pandal & the first formal puja is performed.Expectedly,pandal- hopping also starts on this day.After 2 days i.e. Ashtami[8^th day]is the main & biggest day of the puja.After the morning ceremony,one offers “Pushpanjali”[flowers]while chanting the holy words.This is deeply moving & spiritually purifying.In the Pujas held at the Ramkrishna Missions there is the custom of performing “Kumari Puja” in which a very young girl[age 4 or 5]is dressed up in the appearance of the Goddess & worshipped-this is to symbolize the purity of purpose & the supreme strength of the deity.Another very interesting annual attraction is the “Nabadurga”[9 Durgas] at Garia-here one can view the nine incarnations of the “Asura”:how he changes his form successively from that of a man to a buffalo,then a lion,next an elephant,etc and finally as he is emerging into a man again,Durga kills him.

 At almost all the pandals,beautiful devotional  songs are sung throughout the day.Nowadays,due to changing tastes & in order to attract larger crowds,Hindi & Bengali film songs are also blared over loudspeakers which is indeed a real nuisance.At some places there are  even sports, painting contests,musical chairs & various other events that a euphoric public demands.Being a community affair,everyone-young & old-is actively involved in the proceedings.Nabami[9^th day] is usually a staid affair & one rushes to catch up on things missed.The 10^th day[Dashami]the Goddess has to return to her heavenly abode & there  is a palpable sadness in the air.By midday the womenfolk bid goodbye to the favourite daughter who has been but a guest for ten fun-filled days.They smear sindoor[vermillion powder]on the forehead of the Goddess to wish her a long & happy life.Often the sorrow in the women’s hearts is so deep that many break down & cry.Mum has been avoiding this particular event for this reason.

Towards evening,preparations begin to send off the Mother on her journey.In the olden days,when most of Bengal was full of water-bodies,immersion was carried out into the nearest one.The villagers set out in two boats side by side supporting the enormous idol transversely in between.As they reached the deeper waters,the two boats would gently move apart & lower the idol slowly into the depths-a rare & beautiful sight nowadays.Modern immersion is a noisy event in which the idol is carried to the waterfront in open trucks through the streets.The truck is filled with people & musical instruments or worse still,hi-fi music systems which create such a din that the whole spirit of the Puja is lost,not to speak of the impossible traffic snarls.The Mother would surely await her return to Heaven-one is bound to think!

It seems the people have not had their fill of revelry,because only 5 days away Lakshmi Puja is performed.This is carried out in everyone’s home.Materials for the Puja include exquisite foot-high idols,rounded clay plaques with the image of the deity painted on it & small boats fashioned out of the inner cylindrical layer of the banana plant.Bhog[food for the gods]consists of various fruit,sweetmeats & the mouth-watering “khichudi”[made with moong daal & fragrant rice].For variety one also makes ‘loochies’[puris] out of white maida & an assortment of “bhajas,labra,tarkari”etc.the description of which can be found in an authentic Bengali cookbook or more likely in the repertory of a traditional housewife.Around the “puja-sthal”a drawing is made with rice paste in the form of flowers or other designs-this is called “alpona”.

Khichudi bhog is  universally accepted as the main item in any Bengali Puja & the meal

is ended with “chaatni,papor & mishti”- in that order.In many places outside Calcutta,this typical menu is bypassed or served in token quantities & is replaced by rice, daal,vegetables & even nonvegetarian dishes.People shut their kitchens for 4-5 days at a stretch[from Saptami to Dashami]&have their meals at the Puja-pandal!This practice is probably prevalent outside Bengal because it gives the community an occasion to get together & bond more closely.

Wait,our celebrations are not over yet-Kali Puja[Diwali]follows after a fortnight on the new-moon night.Large idols of the Goddess Kali[the destroyer of darkness & evil]are worshipped in the dead of night along with the bursting of fire-crackers.Bhog is served in the early morning hours.

This more or less ends the succession of Pujas for the year[English calender].The next Puja is Saraswati Puja held in the month of January to appease the goddess of learning & wisdom.This,like Lakshmi Puja, is also done at home.A pure white clay idol of the deity is brought home & after that it becomes the welcome duty of the youngsters of the house to decorate the Puja-sthal with lovely orange & yellow marigold flowers,which are abundant at this time of the year.Books& writing materials & also musical instruments are placed in front of the  Goddess so that she will bless the children with proficiency in these disciplines.

 We’re looking forward already to another beautiful Puja season next year-hoping that we shall find more of our near & dear ones at Calcutta to make the happiness complete!              

ONE + ONE = THREE!

From private practice to academic practice, from a city that never sleeps to one where we were finally able to sleep peacefully, half a decade has passed. Harking back to our practice days, of which we have many fond memories, here's a gem my husband penned-


Dear cousins ,

Long time no messages from anybody on "Poduval Cousins". Anyway this is something that kept Jayita laughing for an hour after dinner today.The background is as follows:

A friend of mine sent me a patient at my clinic. After the consultation her mother started asking me if I would see her knees also, and inquired whether she would be charged. I said "of course!" and she looked disappointed; Jayita suggested that in the age of FREEBIES in the market the lady felt that “ek patient ke liye ek free offer hoga”. I then set out to make a plan to sell our wares to such patients in an ORTHO AND ENT HOSPITAL which we set up in Mira Road. [God forbid we have to really do it!]

Here is my pitch [small print is enlarged for free and is in brackets]!!!

1) For every tonsil removed the other will be removed for free.

    [conditions apply- tonsil essential to avail of free offer.Not transferable to any other individual]

2) For every bone fixed by us we will fix the next one for free.

    [not transferable- valid for limited period from date of surgery- condition of doctors apply]

3) For every injection you take we will give you another one free.

    [cost of materials excluded from offer- nursing charges apply]

4) Get a tonsillectomy for your little girl and we will pierce her ears for free and throw in a diamond stud as well.

    [condition of diamond not doctors' liability- original or real diamond not part of offer- we give American  diamond only subject to supply and demand]

5) For every four surgeries one operation free.

    [up to Rs 2000 only; not transferable to other patient or discipline i.e. for 4 ENT surgery one ENT surgery free for same patient up to Rs 2000 billing]

6) For every catheter passed we give the patient a free enema.

    [charges of consumables apply]

7) Free meals with every admission.

   [delivery charges applicable-no special meals-only snacks and breakfast supplied-valid for admissions in special and deluxe class only and for admissions predicted more than 10 days-valid on cash and non Mediclaim cases only]

8) Limited period inaugural offer: Free ear drops and pain- relieving ointment with every joint ENT and Ortho consultation- till samples last........!

9) Senior citizen package: Free balance testing with every audiometry and purchase of Siemens digital hearing aid, plus bone densitometry at 50% concession!! 

10) Best deal: You break a limb and get it fixed by us, we break the other and get it fixed for free, increases your compensation, more days of leave and better service, higher class admission at lower rates, and ideal for 'Mediclaim with disability' holders!!!

U WANT TO ADD ANY MORE         PLEASE DO    ALL IN HUMOR     NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE    COMMENTS WELCOME 

[Murali's Musings- a long, long time ago....]

MUSINGS OF A MOTHER

‘Hi, How do You do? Holiday today?’ 
A lady acquaintance was surprised to see me in the super market in the middle of the week. I gleefully replied, 'Not a holiday..I am on leave. My son’s Board exams.'..  Her initial friendly tone and expression suddenly turned sarcastic.
 'So? What are you doing?'

Though the question seemed meaningless to me, I answered in the same elated frame of mind, 'Nothing…, just be at home…and  take care of his needs.' Before I could finish she hastily dissented. ‘No. Rather, you are making him dependent…and spoiling him. You see, my daughter also went through Board exams while I was working. I never took leave. "All mothers are misguided”, she concluded with an emphatic statement. This puzzled me. Misguided? 

Is there a set of guidelines on how mothers the world over should feel for their children? The very thought was amusing. Anyhow, I didn’t find it necessary to enter into a debate. Without reacting, I bid her bye and moved on, consciously letting her deem me a dumb and outmoded mother. 

 I have come across quite a few people who feel that their choices, their practices and their beliefs are the most ideal ones. They just cannot expand their vision to accommodate others or allow for differences, still keeping their own personal space and choices. Well, how others feel is purely their personal choice. And I have no business to question their views. But the mother in me couldn't quite appreciate the concept of a ‘misguided mother’. The expression evoked strong emotions in me...

According to me, a mother’s innate love knows no rules and regulations.  It is out of an inborn instinct that she showers her relentless love and care on her child. But unfortunately, while it has become a passion and fashion to be eloquent about women who have excelled in their career, we almost ignore to appreciate the most tender, warm and beautiful aspects of a woman’s role as a mother. This divine bond is taken for granted. Very sad. Very sad that we need to announce a special day for the mother called ‘Mother’s day', to honor this divine role of a woman. But even more pathetic are such remarks from modern mothers, criticizing the little acts of love and support a mother provides to her child. They view these natural instincts of motherhood unhealthy for the child’s growth and self-reliance! They think that mothers are being overly concerned and protective about their children and spoiling them. I am not denying… there could be a few, whose love for their children almost blinds their reasoning, making the child a spoiled brat.  But ordinary mothers like me believe that through our love and moral support, we are not enslaving our children, but freeing their minds from all shackles of fear and superficial obedience.

 

Which mother does not want to provide a firm foundation for her child’s emotional, social and academic development?  Which mother doesn't want her child to grow into a self-reliant and successful individual? None. This doesn’t mean that she needs to break down rules and boundaries and give her child a free rein. I think, giving the children freedom to express without defining appropriate channels would only lead to total chaos in their mind. It may not lead to a healthy self-reliance.

A mother knows what kind of a role she occupies in her child’s mind. She doesn’t get this knowledge from books or latest studies on the subject.  It’s a god-given gift to motherhood. She can feel and express a basic trust in her child’s judgment and morality and it is this trust that keeps him on the right track. She can share the agonies and ecstasies of her child like no one else can. She always makes him feel that she is ever there to help and guide him to see another perspective in times of trouble.

This is not to alleviate the role of fatherhood, but dear dads, there is something beyond the comprehension of a man, when it comes to the bond with the child. Yet, what the mother can give to her child and the extent to which she can give depends on, apart from her innate instinct, the love, support, happiness and peace she gets from her husband.

The modern world might undermine the role of the mother. But can we afford to overlook the fact that it is the mother who strengthens the foundation of unconditional love and respect among family members?

Well, coming back to the context I started with, had I opted to react to the statement, I would have told her… '' you see, it is a matter of great satisfaction to me to be at home with my child offering my loving presence and encouragement. It helps him to look forward to the exams with confidence and enthusiasm."    

I guess it is the modern world which is under the wrong impression that mothers take leave during the exam period to spoon feed their children with theorems in Geometry and definitions in Science. Sorry, mothers like me beg to differ.

 [contributed by Smt Shailaja Kumar- our dear Shailachechi- model mum and extraordinary human being!]