MUSINGS OF A MOTHER

‘Hi, How do You do? Holiday today?’ 
A lady acquaintance was surprised to see me in the super market in the middle of the week. I gleefully replied, 'Not a holiday..I am on leave. My son’s Board exams.'..  Her initial friendly tone and expression suddenly turned sarcastic.
 'So? What are you doing?'

Though the question seemed meaningless to me, I answered in the same elated frame of mind, 'Nothing…, just be at home…and  take care of his needs.' Before I could finish she hastily dissented. ‘No. Rather, you are making him dependent…and spoiling him. You see, my daughter also went through Board exams while I was working. I never took leave. "All mothers are misguided”, she concluded with an emphatic statement. This puzzled me. Misguided? 

Is there a set of guidelines on how mothers the world over should feel for their children? The very thought was amusing. Anyhow, I didn’t find it necessary to enter into a debate. Without reacting, I bid her bye and moved on, consciously letting her deem me a dumb and outmoded mother. 

 I have come across quite a few people who feel that their choices, their practices and their beliefs are the most ideal ones. They just cannot expand their vision to accommodate others or allow for differences, still keeping their own personal space and choices. Well, how others feel is purely their personal choice. And I have no business to question their views. But the mother in me couldn't quite appreciate the concept of a ‘misguided mother’. The expression evoked strong emotions in me...

According to me, a mother’s innate love knows no rules and regulations.  It is out of an inborn instinct that she showers her relentless love and care on her child. But unfortunately, while it has become a passion and fashion to be eloquent about women who have excelled in their career, we almost ignore to appreciate the most tender, warm and beautiful aspects of a woman’s role as a mother. This divine bond is taken for granted. Very sad. Very sad that we need to announce a special day for the mother called ‘Mother’s day', to honor this divine role of a woman. But even more pathetic are such remarks from modern mothers, criticizing the little acts of love and support a mother provides to her child. They view these natural instincts of motherhood unhealthy for the child’s growth and self-reliance! They think that mothers are being overly concerned and protective about their children and spoiling them. I am not denying… there could be a few, whose love for their children almost blinds their reasoning, making the child a spoiled brat.  But ordinary mothers like me believe that through our love and moral support, we are not enslaving our children, but freeing their minds from all shackles of fear and superficial obedience.

 

Which mother does not want to provide a firm foundation for her child’s emotional, social and academic development?  Which mother doesn't want her child to grow into a self-reliant and successful individual? None. This doesn’t mean that she needs to break down rules and boundaries and give her child a free rein. I think, giving the children freedom to express without defining appropriate channels would only lead to total chaos in their mind. It may not lead to a healthy self-reliance.

A mother knows what kind of a role she occupies in her child’s mind. She doesn’t get this knowledge from books or latest studies on the subject.  It’s a god-given gift to motherhood. She can feel and express a basic trust in her child’s judgment and morality and it is this trust that keeps him on the right track. She can share the agonies and ecstasies of her child like no one else can. She always makes him feel that she is ever there to help and guide him to see another perspective in times of trouble.

This is not to alleviate the role of fatherhood, but dear dads, there is something beyond the comprehension of a man, when it comes to the bond with the child. Yet, what the mother can give to her child and the extent to which she can give depends on, apart from her innate instinct, the love, support, happiness and peace she gets from her husband.

The modern world might undermine the role of the mother. But can we afford to overlook the fact that it is the mother who strengthens the foundation of unconditional love and respect among family members?

Well, coming back to the context I started with, had I opted to react to the statement, I would have told her… '' you see, it is a matter of great satisfaction to me to be at home with my child offering my loving presence and encouragement. It helps him to look forward to the exams with confidence and enthusiasm."    

I guess it is the modern world which is under the wrong impression that mothers take leave during the exam period to spoon feed their children with theorems in Geometry and definitions in Science. Sorry, mothers like me beg to differ.

 [contributed by Smt Shailaja Kumar- our dear Shailachechi- model mum and extraordinary human being!]